


Love

by asexualjuliet



Series: Note to Self: Don’t be Gay in Indiana [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Gay Will Byers, Gen, Jonathan Byers is a Damn Good big brother, Joyce Byers loves her sons so damn much, Lonnie Byers sucks, Robin is Will’s gay mentor, and I love her for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 18:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21002309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualjuliet/pseuds/asexualjuliet
Summary: Will Byers is five years old, and he is made of love.He loves his mother. His brother, his father. His friends. He gives love out like candy on Halloween, and he gets love back in return.He loves his mother. His brother, his father. His friends.Himself.Or, Will makes his way through life.





	Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [broadway_hufflepuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadway_hufflepuff/gifts).

> To understand some of the scenes I reference in this but didn’t want to write all over again, read my other fic, “Love Yourself!” 
> 
> (In retrospect, “Love Yourself” would be a way better title for this fic instead of that one but rip).
> 
> This one’s for broadway_hufflepuff, who read part of this the other day and wanted to keep reading but there was nothing else, you’re highkey the reason i finished this <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Will Byers is five years old, and he is made of love. 

He loves his mother. His brother, his father. His friends. He gives love out like candy on Halloween, and he gets love back in return.

He loves his mother. His brother, his father. His friends. 

_ Himself_. 

-

Will Byers is six, and love gets a little harder. 

His father yells. His mother cries. His brother takes him in his arms and sings to him, blocking out the angry noise outside his bedroom door. 

_ Why don’t mom and dad love each other? _he asks Jonathan one day. 

Jonathan doesn’t answer. 

-

Seven years old, and Will draws a picture for his dad. 

His dad calls him a f**.

He doesn’t know what it means, but the way Lonnie says it makes Will go numb, like all the love has left his body. 

Will wonders if his father even loves him. 

-

Eight, and he draws under his covers at night so dad doesn’t catch him.

His mom catches him one night, but says nothing, just giving a sad smile from the doorway. 

The next day, there’s a new box of crayons on his desk. 

_ Happy Birthday, Will_, the note reads, and that night, Will draws a spaceship. 

Red and orange and green and blue, Will uses every color in the box. 

It’s a rainbow ship. 

_ His _rainbow ship. 

And it is _ full _of love. 

-

Will is nine when Troy and James come after him on the playground. 

Their words are ugly, _ pansy, queer, fairy, homo, f**_, and Will’s about to cry when Lucas hits Troy on the back of the neck with his slingshot. 

_ It’s _ called _ a wrist rocket_, Lucas points out later. Will doesn’t care. His love is overflowing. 

-

Ten years old is when Dustin Henderson moves to town. 

Dustin’s the only person Will’s ever met who’s got even more love to give than him. 

Dustin is full of love, for him and Mike and Lucas and his mother and even Nancy Wheeler, who he decides is_ really frickin’ pretty _ before he’s even known her for five minutes. 

Dustin is full of love, giving it out carelessly. 

Dustin’s dad left. 

Will wonders if _ that’s _ why Dustin has so much more love than he does. 

-

Eleven years old. Sitting on Jonathan’s bed listening to the Clash. _ Should I stay or should I go? _

_ Has he ever done anything with you that you actually like? You know, like the arcade or something? _Jonathan asks. 

_ I don’t know_, Will says. 

(He does).

_ No, all right? He hasn't. He's trying to force you to like normal things. And you shouldn't like things because people tell you you're supposed to. Okay? Especially not him. _

Wills nods. Takes all of the love he’d been saving for his father and gives it to Jonathan

Because his father _ doesn’t _ love him. 

And Jonathan always will. 

-

He leaves the night after that, Lonnie and his hateful words. 

Will doesn't cry. 

-

Jonathan helps him make a special place in the woods that night, helps him hammer in the nails that never quite do what Will wants them to. 

Rain starts pouring down, and Jonathan says _ Do you want to go inside? _

And the rain is coming down so hard but if Will can just finish this, everything will be okay, so he says _ no _ and keeps hammering. 

Will’s soaked to the bone when it’s finished, but it’s _ here _ and it’s _ his _ and Jonathan is smiling so wide at him and everything is _ perfect. _

As they’re sitting by the fireplace in their pajamas that night, Jonathan holds Will tight and Will says _ I love you, Jonathan. _

_ I love you too, buddy, _says Jonathan, and Will drifts off to sleep. 

(They’re both sick for a week after that, but it’s okay, because that week holds the most love Will’s felt for a long time).

-

Will’s twelve when he finds out you can’t control love. 

His love’s found a new target, one that brings butterflies to his stomach that he can’t stop no matter how hard he tries. 

Mike Wheeler is beautiful. 

Sometimes Will wishes he wasn’t. 

-

Will’s love turns to fear halfway home from Mike’s house. 

Something is after him.

-

It’s hard for love to exist in a place that seems to feed on fear. 

But Will tries. 

Picks up a pair of glasses from the ground and tucks them in his pocket. 

Prays for his family and friends. 

Taps the Christmas lights on the wall and hopes upon hope that they’ll light up on the other side. 

-

A girl with no hair and a pink dress kneels in front of him. 

She’s a light in the darkness, and she says _ Your mom is coming for you. _ The words are laced with love, more love than he’s felt in weeks. _ Just hold on a little bit longer. _

He wants to say so much to the girl, to his mom, but he’s _ barely _ holding on. 

_ Hurry, _he croaks, and the monster roars. 

The girl disappears. 

Will is alone. 

-

Someone is counting. 

_24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30._

Will's not breathing. He doesn’t even know if he’s conscious. Someone pushes on his chest. 

_ Come on, Come on, kid. Come on, kid! _the someone says, but Will doesn’t know who. 

_ Will! Will, listen to me, _ says another voice, and Will _ knows _ this one. 

_ It's me, it's your mom and I love you so much. _

_ I love you so much. _

_ I love you more than anything in the world. _

_ I love you so much. _

_ I love you more than anything in the world. _

_ Please, please come back to me! _

_ I’m trying! _ he wants to scream, _ I’m trying! _

_ Breathe, Will, come on! _

_ Come back to me, breathe. _

His mother is crying. 

_ I need you to wake up _now!

_ I need you to breathe. _

_ Please breathe! Please! _

And he _ does_. 

_ That's it, _ she says, _ Oh, my God, that's it, that's it. _

He can’t get enough air, he chokes and coughs. His mom rubs his back and whispers to him. 

_ That's it, baby. _

_ Breathe. _

_ Breathe. _

_ All right. _

Someone puts a mask on his face. 

_ Come on. _

_ Come on. _

_ Breathe, breathe, come on, come on. _

_ Good, good, good, good. _

_ Just breathe, Will, breathe. _

Will hasn’t felt this kind of love in _ so long. _

-

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. _

His eyes open to the sounds of machines and monitors, to white walls and bright lights and two people staring down at him. 

_ Hi, sweetheart, _his mother’s soft voice whispers. 

_ Hey, _says Jonathan, and he looks like he’s been crying. 

_Where—where am I?_ He asks, because the last thing he remembers is being suffocated by gray vines. 

_ You're home. You're home now. You're safe, _whispers Jonathan, softer than Will’s ever heard him before. 

_ Jonathan. _

_ Yeah, it's me, buddy, _ he says, tears falling down his face. _ We missed you. We really missed you. _

_ Are you okay? _ Will asks quietly, both because of the white bandages on Jonathan’s hand and because of the tears in his eyes. 

_ What, this? _ He asks. _ It's just a cut. _

_ It's nothing. _

Softer, he says, _ You're worried about my hand. _

Joyce smiles. 

Jonathan, too. 

Love _ surrounds _ them. 

-

The first thing Mike says when he sees Will is _ Byers! _ and Will smiles so, _ so _ wide because he missed him _so much. _

And then Lucas is there, too, and Will’s smiling even wider when Dustin yells _ move! _and wraps him in a hug. 

(He radiates just as much love now as he did in the fourth grade, and Will loves him for it)

_ You won’t _ believe _ what happened while you were gone, man, _ Mike says, and his eyes are wide as he explains. 

Lucas and Dustin cut in every so often, with _ oh my God_s and _ you’ll never believe_s, but Mike is at the center of it all, telling the story with big hazel-brown eyes and a gorgeous smile. 

And those eyes are _ swimming _ in love. 

-

The love is more after Will gets back. His mom makes breakfast and Hopper goes to the doctors’ with him and Jonathan stays with him when he has nightmares. 

They missed him, Dustin informs him one day as they lie on their stomachs surrounded by books on how to learn morse code. 

_ We missed you so damn much, man, Mike was about to lose it if we didn’t get you back soon! _

(Why do those words leave butterflies in his stomach?)

-

The episodes start at Christmas and just get worse and worse. 

_ It's like I'm stuck, _ he tells Mike on Halloween, and Mike’s eyes go wide. 

_ Like, like, stuck in the Upside Down? _

_ No, _ Will tries to explain. _ You know on a View-Master, when it gets, like _—

_ Caught between two slides? _

_ Yeah. _

Mike eyes are staring into his soul, and they’re so, so pretty. 

_ Like that. _

_ Like one slide's our world, and the other—the other slide is the Upside Down. _

Mike listens, with his big brown eyes, and when Will’s finished, he stutters out, _ Just—just please don't tell the others, okay? They won't understand. _

_ Eleven would, _he says, and Will’s heart hurts. 

_ She would? _ he asks.

_ Yeah. She always did. _

_ Sometimes I feel like I still see her. _

_ Like she's still around, but she never is. _

_ I don't know. _

_ Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. _

_ Me too, _Will admits with a slight smile. 

_ Hey, well, if we're both going crazy, then we'll go crazy together, right? _

Will’s breath catches in his chest as Mike locks eyes with him. 

_ Yeah. _

_ Crazy together. _

Mike loves him, sure, but it’s not the right type of love. 

-

Love is there when Mike holds his hand in a hospital bed. It’s there when his family hugs him tight in the middle of a little cabin in the woods that’s about fifty degrees too hot. 

Love is there when Steve Harrington holds him as he cries on the front steps of Hawkins Middle School, and it’s there when Will finally says _ I’m gay. _

_ I love you, okay? _are Jonathan’s first words, and they’re enough to bring tears to his eyes. 

_ Thank you, _ Will says, and tears prick at his eyes

_ I’m proud of you, _ Jonathan tells him, and there is _ so much love. _

—

Robin Buckley is the coolest goddamn person Will’s ever met, and he trusts her from the moment she says _ I’m gay, dumbass._

She’s the one he cries to after Mike tells him it’s _ not his fault, _and she’s the one who finally asks Will if he loves himself. 

_ I wish I didn’t love him, _he says, lying on the floor in the back room of Family Video. 

_ The heart wants what it wants, shortstack_, she says, _ But life’s gonna suck if you don’t stop loving the boy and start loving yourself. _

_ I love myself! _ Will says, defensive, but then Robin asks, _ do you? _

And that hits Will in a different way, and he realizes—

All those years of slurs thrown at him and love he’s given away hasn’t left any love for _ him_. 

He _ hates _ himself, somewhere deep inside, and Jesus, that’s hard to admit, because it seems like yesterday that he was overflowing with love for _ everyone, _ for his mother and his brother and Lucas and Mike and Dustin and his _ father… _

And _ himself. _

_ I don’t know, _ he says quietly. _ I thought I did. _

Robin doesn’t say anything, just wraps him in a hug as tears start to pool in his eyes. 

_ It’s okay kid, _ she says, _ I’ve got enough love for the both of us. _

And Will smiles so wide. 

_ I love you, Robin, _he whispers. 

_ There you go, kiddo, take some of that love and put it toward you okay? _ She says softly, blue eyes sparkling. _ You’re a damn good kid, Byers, and you deserve the goddamn world. _

Will smiles. _ Thank you. _

-

The love comes back when he tells his mother the night before they leave town. 

_ Mom, _ he says, ignoring the pit in his stomach, _ I— _

He stops. Tries again. 

_ I’m— _

Deep breath. 

_ I’m gay. _

And she’s holding him tight in an instant, arms wrapped around him and soft words in his ear. 

_ I love you so much, baby, I love you so much, and I’m so, so proud of you, baby. I am _ so _ proud. _

How _ right _ the world is then. 

-

They leave the next day, pack up the car and say goodbye. To Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Max, Nancy. 

And love can be sad, devastating and utterly soul-crushing. 

But without the love, Will would be utterly numb.

So it’s good. 

He hugs his friends tight. 

Love, love, _ love. _

-

They stop by Family Video before they leave town, because Steve and Robin are working today and Will _ can’t _ leave without saying goodbye. 

_ Byers! _ Steve calls when he runs in, El right behind him, _ El! _

Robin pops her head in from the back room. _ Oh, Will, El, hey! _ And Steve wraps both of them in a hug and says _ shit, guys, we’re gonna miss both of you so much. _

_ We’ll miss you, too, Steve! _ Will says, and El adds a _ Thank you for taking care of us. _

Robin's awaiting him when Steve releases the kids from his hug, and Will holds out a card. 

_ For you, _ he says as she takes it. _ I wanted to say thank you. _

_ Dear Robin, _ it reads, _ Thank you for making me love myself again. _

A drawing follows, Robin with her infamous _ you rule/you suck _ board, covered in tally marks on the _ you rule _side. 

(An arrow pointing to the whiteboard says _ you rule!_) and it might be the cutest goddamn thing Robin’s ever seen in her life. 

_ I’m gonna miss you so damn much, shortstack, _ she says. _ It was damn cool having someone to talk to. _

Will smiles. 

_ Call me if you have boy trouble, _she murmurs, scrawling her number on the back of a receipt. 

_ Robin! _Will blushes, but takes the receipt and slips it into his pocket. 

_ We should get going! _says Joyce when she’s done wrapping Steve in a hug. 

Robin looks at Will, who wipes away tears. 

_ I love you, kid, _ she says, and Will hugs her tight and whispers _ I love _us.

Jonathan’s pulling the car out of the parking lot as Will watches Robin and Steve wave at them through the window. He waves back, and despite everything, he smiles. 

Love is _ everywhere. _

And Will Byers is _ finally _full of it again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> All mistakes are my own, please let me know if you see any!
> 
> Kudos/Comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
